Fear

I had no idea being a parent was so filled with terror. Fear of losing them, fear of their running into the street, fear for the hurts and slights they experience at school, fear for their pain, for the expense of raising them, fear that I’m providing ample need for future therapy, fear that they’ll discover I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. 

The thing is, you just have to keep going. Those fears don’t stop life. Kids keep growing and experiencing more and if I stop to deal with the terror every time I’ll never keep up with them.  I just have to keep teaching them, keep doing my best and hope that someday it results in productive, happy, well adjusted people.

Writing is a little bit the same way. I’m always afraid I won’t be good enough, that my story is lame, that agents will think I’m a dork, that they’ll know I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, that no reader will like me enough to spend money on me. 

Like parenting I can’t let those fears overcome. I have to keep writing, keep doing my best, and hope that someday it all comes together in something people can love.

Death of Books

I killed a book. 

Not one of those 'my book is so bad I’m going to lock it in a drawer' mercy killings. I killed a book I was excited about and wanted to write. 

Four or five months ago I tried plotting a book. Not even plotting, more just brainstorming and thinking of plot points. Ever since I’ve wanted nothing to do with it. I can’t even force myself work on it. I’m hoping that if I toss everything I brainstormed out and go back to the original characters and flashes of scenes maybe, just maybe I can want this book again. 

Or maybe, I’ve killed it forever.  

 No doubt about it, I’m a pantster through and through.

Anyone ever raised a book from the dead?
 

Colectable (otherwise known as 'The Star Wars post')

I collect books. Not consciously. I didn't start out thinking "hm, I want to collect something. What should I spend my time, money and space on?" I just read. A lot. I read around 150 books a year. More on good years. Less on busy toddler years. I love books and I keep my favorite, my friends, around.  A few weeks ago I posted some shelvies. We actually have 9 bookshelves that hold books. plus there are five boxes of books that we don't have room for.

My son, Mini-Engineer collects things. I don't know where he got it from.... (whistling into the wind)

He picks up rocks and leaves and shells and takes them home to collect. The stickers he gets from doctors' offices and grocery stores he carefully peels off his shirt and puts them on a piece of paper so he can keep them.


My husband however is the biggest collector of us all. He likes StarWars. A Lot.  I'm going to put in a disclaimer here. We are not hoarders and we throw things out on a regular basis. Just not books or Star Wars. Also, he is not the type of person to dress up to go to comicon (though he would probably like going) or to the movies. He just enjoys the 'historical documents'.

We have ships on our ceilings

We have dioramas. No, they don't get dusted often.

We have original packaging displays.

We have pictures, yes, those are his ticket stubs at the bottom.

We have toys for the kids.

And we have boxes

And more boxes

of Star Wars we don't have room for or don't want the kids to destroy.

We live a Star Wars life. And it's a good life.

What do you collect?

Soul Food

I've gone technical in a big way.  I love gadgets.  Three years ago I didn't even have a cell phone. Now I have a smart phone. I use it to coordinate schedules, listen to audiobooks, read ebooks,  play games, entertain my kids, and make grocery and to do lists. The number of lists I can have soothes my list loving soul.  I use it for pretty much anything other than making phone calls.

But...

I've noticed, when I'm stressed I still turn to pen and paper. There's something so comforting about carying around an assortment of scraps covered with a dozen or two lists.  About five years ago I forced myself to write on the computer until it became familar. Now I do most of my writing there. But I still carry around a notebook and pen everywhere, even in the house. Just in case I want them. I have a specific notebook I use. No matter how cute, I won't buy anything else. I also have a specific pen. You know I have problems when I throw away perfectly good free pens just because they aren't "my" pen.  And deep down in my soul I long for the day I can buy a fountain pen, even though I know they're expensive and impractical.

I look at tablets and laptops and pretty new monitors with longing, but it's not quite the same.  I guess for now pen and paper are still my comfort food.

Do you have a comfort food?

Book Chat with author Barbara Rogan

The fabulous Barbara Rogan's latest book, A DANGEROUS FICTION, has been chosen by Penguin to be the book of the month.  I did an interview with Barbara when the book came out, here.  It's a truly deserved award as the book is fabulous. A mystery set inside the world of publishing. What could be better?

Being Penguin's book of the month entails having two book chats on twitter.  @readPenguin if that means anything to you tweeters.  The first chat is Sept 9 from 3-4pm ET. You can check her blog (linked above) for more info and for her official announcement. I hear the  ebook price just dropped so now is a perfect time to pick it up. I hope you do, you'll enjoy it. You'll also enjoy chatting with the author. Hope you join in!

Movie Quote

Movie quote: someone wrote a book, someone else said "I hope it didn’t end happily."  “The good ended happily, the bad unhappily. That’s why it’s called fiction."

What do you think? True, not true? Hilarious? I do believe that there are things in books that wouldn't happen in real life. There are also things that happen in real life that, if put in a book, would make the reader shut the book with a snort and muttered "impossible".  

Do you like fiction that fixes the things you can't fix in your own life? That rights all the wrongs?