Monday, February 20, 2012

Challenge!

Today is the blogging campaigns first challenge.  The rules are: Write a short flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. Begin the story with the words, “Shadows crept across the wall”. If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), do one or more of these: end the story with the words: "everything faded", include the word "orange" in the story, write in the same genre you normally write, make your story 200 words exactly!

Here is my story that is exactly 200 words, began and ended with the requested words and is adapted from my WIP, so it's definitely in my genre. 



Regret


Shadows crept across the wall measuring the passing of time.  Anna didn’t know how long she stood there, her heart bleeding into the hollow where her lungs and stomach used to be, but the house was dark, the orange gone from the sky.
Her legs ached. As she moved one foot then the other little pins prickled everywhere. It was a relief to feel that kind of pain. The prickles eased with movement and she regretted their loss. Now it was too easy to feel the hole Paul had left in her chest. Where was he? The remembered anguish on his face made her crumple to the ground.
She couldn’t let him hurt like that. Jumping up, she was at the door before she knew it, fingers on the handle. But what would she say? Anything. Anything to remove that hurt from his face, erase the anger caused by her confession. Or worse yet, the dead empty look that told her she no longer meant anything to him.
Her heart twisted and her fingers slid off the handle. There was nothing she could say. He could never accept what she was.  She let the darkness take her and everything faded.


84 comments:

  1. I always enjoy flash fiction, and enjoyed this today. There's a certain weight to regret, isn't there, and I felt it in your character's thoughts and actions.

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    1. Thanks. I'm glad you were able to feel it. It's hard to cut down a longer piece to fit the word count. I worried I had lost it all.

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  2. Wow, this was really good. I loved the line "her heart bleeding into the hollow where her lungs and stomach used to be". That was really great imagery.
    Awesome job!

    I'm #19

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    1. Thanks Jess. I'm glad you liked the imagery. I'll head over and check yours out.

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  3. Such an ominous piece. Lots of room for interpretation.

    Nice one! :)

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  4. oooo, what is she?
    so curious! nice piece!

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    1. Thanks Tara. Glad it got you interested. Now to make the agents feel that way....

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    2. LOL - so true.
      I enjoyed it, too... definitely felt her anguish.
      Melissa Maygrove
      #149 on the Campaign Challenge list

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  5. Great imagery! You left me with some questions, but all great ones! Leaving me intrigued has me wanting to come back for more. That's a job well done!

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  6. I really loved it! I think you portrayed the feeling of regret just perfectly! I will definitely be following your blog and giving you a vote. I am entry #31 if you wanted to read mine :)

    Samantha
    Writing Through College

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    1. Thanks, I'll be over to check out yours!

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  7. Oooo nice! Great imagery! Good job! :)

    I'm #39

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    1. Thanks, I'll be over to see yours soon.

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  8. Nice! I was trying to make sense of the beginning and then the line about what she was hooked me and made me want more!

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    1. Sorry it's a little out of context and I was trying to get it all in 200 words. Hope it wasn't too confusing.

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  9. Very intriguing. Like the other commenters, I want to know more. Great hook.

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  10. I'm with Jess on this one. "...her heart bleeding into the hollow where her lungs and stomach used to be" was a great line! :D

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  11. Amazing writing and descriptions here. I agree with the other comments. Great job Sara.

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  12. I agree with Jess! Great imagery with the heart bleeding into the hollow ... YIKES!!

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  13. Wonderfully written. I agree with the others, I loved that line.

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  14. I could almost feel my heart 'bleeding into the hollow where her lungs and stomach used to be'! Well done!

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    1. Lol, glad it moved the readers. Thanks.

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  15. Very cool, I'm like everyone else.. great line. Conjures up some great imagery. Bravo!

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  16. Wow!!

    Wonderful!! Blood, Hole in chest, Anger, Pain .... and regrets!!

    Wonderful depiction of emotions!!

    Another Author

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    1. Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I'm headed over to yours.

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  17. Her distress was palpable, Great job. Mine is #71

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  18. Well written but quite tragic for them. I feel bad they have to experience such pain.

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    1. Well, they do say to hurt your characters. I will say this is one of the low points to the novel.

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  19. Great imagery and an intriguing but painful read especially the ending

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  20. Powerful stuff, very tangible, physical feelings. Good one!

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    1. You've got skills---emotion packed, intrigue, and beautiful sentences. Nice work! (And new follower... thank you also for your kind comment this morn)

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  21. That was so well written and evocative, I had to vote for you. Nicely done.

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  22. Kept me on the edge of my chair and left me wanting to know more!

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  23. Great story. I felt her emotions.

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  24. You captured her emotion perfectly.
    #83

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  25. Regret to the max! GREAT story!

    Laurie Buchanan (entry #92)

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  26. Oh no! I can't believe that of Paul. I'm sure she's mistaken. She has to be!

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  27. Really love the powerful emotion you conveyed with so few words!

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  28. At first, I thought there actually was a hole in her chest!

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  29. I liked how the shadows crept due to the passage of time. Nicely done.


    Lee (#126 on the Campaign Challenge List)
    An A to Z Co-Host
    Tossing It Out
    Twitter: @AprilA2Z
    #atozchallenge

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  30. You definitely grabbed my attention with this! I'm very curious now about what she is and why it caused "him" so much anguish.

    Good job and thanks for sharing!
    Jen

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  31. That was really great. I loved the emotion you captured in your story!

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  32. Great emotion! I loved the sense of regret and the mystery of who they are. So good!

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  33. Great - you told so much story in so few words. I really enjoyed your entry.

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  34. Ooh, this is good! What is she?? I was not expecting it to go that route at all.

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  35. Beautifully written. You have my vote :)

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  36. Dark with a dash of gothic flavor...I like it!

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  37. What did she do for him to change his mind about her?

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  38. Wow. I definitely wanted to know more about what happened before this scene and felt all the too late regret of the character. Great job!
    #160

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  39. This is so wonderfully written. Very intense emotion with so few words!

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  40. Really good story! I like it. Very emotional, very tense, very sad. I'm a new follower and entry #96.

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  41. Wow!! Enjoyed it though I can feel the lump in the throat. Nice writing :)

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  42. Great imagery. I just wonder, what was she?

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    1. I'm #121. Come take a look at it if your board or just have some time.

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  43. I enjoyed this, it leaves me with interesting questions :-)

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  44. I like the pin prickle details, how that pain was a relief.

    When I first read the opening lines, I thought her lungs and stomach were literally missing. I thought it was a horror story. lol.

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  45. this post have lots of emotions. depicts the risk of sharing something which the man can't handle and i can relate to it. lovely post! keep up the good stuff!

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  46. I love how in detail you went during the story. You could feel the emotion between the characters. Great post.

    #191 if you get a chance to read.

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