Journey or Destination?

A long while ago, before I started this blog, I spent a little time wallowing in a mire of self pity.   My first draft was taking forever and my writing didn't seem to be improving.  I compared myself to so many authors and completed manuscripts.  Despairing that I did not have the sensitivity or understanding of so many other writers I asked myself some serious questions.  Do I want to be published?  Absolutely.   Am I good enough to get there?  I don’t know.  I don’t write just to get published.  I have a story, a person, an emotion I want to explore or get to know. That is why I write, but I would like to share the things I've learned by sharing my writing with the world.  

Will I ever be as good as Charlote Bronte, Diana Gabaldon, or any of the other talented published or unpublished writers?  It's not likely, a girl can dream though.  Will I ever be the best I can be?  I don’t know.  And here is the clinker.   If I could see into the future and know I will never be published, know I will never gain the skill level and understanding I want would I keep writing?  Yes.  Absolutley.  I have to.  It is how I think, how I process information and emotions.   

While I want the end destination of publishing I need the journey writing provides.  I would write for me even if no one else ever read my work.   And there was my answer.  It didn’t matter if I was depressed or despaired of ever being able to write like I wanted.  I must write,  I will work to improve, I will learn and grow and strive for publication.  But if I never achieve my goal, the journey will last my whole life long.