Noise bombards me, children demand me.
My time is not my
own.
I can medicate with electronic opium (in other words, TV)and get a
few minutes peace, but the TV is only
two feet from my desk.
No lock on the bathroom, or the bedroom. There is no place that is mine. Even the inside
of my head is hijacked by paperwork, real estate, and chaos.
How then can I be myself? How can I create worlds when I can’t even
survive my own?
It is temporary, and I love the fun things we’re doing this
summer. But a part of me can’t wait for our new house and a place to
call my own.
Sounds like the new house has more space and a special space for your muse. Is this accurate?
ReplyDeleteOne is hoping. The new house is more of a dream than a reality right now. It's coming, but we don't have one picked out yet.
Delete{{{hugs}}} may the new house come quickly!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Zan
DeleteCan you get some help with childcare and escape to a cafe for an hour to do your stuff? You deserve time that belongs to you.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, we are in a new area and don't really know anyone. Also, paying mortgage on the house in Georgia that's under contract and rent on an apartment here in Colorado there's no money for child care.
DeleteI'm reminded of Woolf's essay that took some fictional liberties with the Shakespeare family but was otherwise thematically accurate. One needs a room of one's own. Maybe encroachments upon your time and attention can serve as antagonisms to your protagonist characters. We write about what we know. There's an emotional charge to the process that can't be successfully conveyed without some experience.
ReplyDeleteI've tried writing out my frustrations, it comes out pretty dark, and more like grunting and screaming than actual words or story.
DeleteEnjoy it while it lasts. All to soon they will be gone, but you'll smile at the memory.
ReplyDeleteIt's true, writing can wait, but it's nice to have some personal time.
DeleteHey Sara,
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is... been there, changed that diaper and I so can sympathize :)
Of course you know, this too, like every other writing challenge, will pass.
I tried to write in the daytime, when the boys were awake... and that was an absolute disaster :)
Now I write at night - when I have the energy!!
There never will be a perfect time, or place, at least in my house... it's all about the snatching of time :)
*break a leg* with the move and happy, peaceful writing :)
So true, you have to grab the time when it's available. We're just living on top of each other in this little apartment and my sanity is on edge.
Delete#thisismyfuture
ReplyDeleteHopefully things calm down soon! And new house! So exciting! Can I ask where you're moving to or is that not public-internet-friendly? ;)
Just moved to Denver Colorado. The thought of a new house is pretty exciting, if we make it that far.
DeleteI hope things settle down! It's hard to find peace during chaos!
ReplyDeleteUgh, I'm so sorry. I hate it when life gets like that. When I don't have any time or peace for myself I start to lose my mind - and no way can I write that way. I hope you find a room of your own soon!
ReplyDeleteYou know, we home school. That's a year round effort here. Thankfully the kids are beginning to conform to "block out" times--where they're not allowed to disturb mommy...unless someone is bleeding.
ReplyDeleteI like this:) I'd call it A Mother's Lament
ReplyDeleteWe moved to a bigger house last summer and I got a great office. Except it doesn't have a regular ceiling so I hear EVERYTHING. The tiles and hardwood floor don't help either. :P
ReplyDeleteOh boy! :( sounds like chaos. I get much in the same moods myself, just needing my "own" quiet space. Hoping your house comes soon!!
ReplyDeleteI really hope you get into a new home soon! I know being confined to the small apartment with kiddos can be so overwhelming. Best of luck, and drink lots of coffee!
ReplyDeleteNo lock on the bathroom? That really is difficult. Is there a park you can run away to for a 20-minute break?
ReplyDelete