Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Help


Yesterday I started my third simultaneous arthritis medicine.

I’ve been putting it off for months because I didn’t want to be that person. You know the person dependent on so many drugs. The one with a pharmacy on their bathroom sink. Wasn’t two medicines enough? Plus the prescription folic acid I have to take because of one of those medicines. 

I was doing better after starting the second one. I still had pain but it wasn't as bad as it had been. I told myself it was enough. Other people didn't need to be on so much medicine. But a couple of things happened recently that made me rethink my stance. First, I had a eight month pregnant woman come and sink into a squat next to me at church one day. I can't squat on the best of days, and here she could do it eight months pregnant without any pain, discomfort or inability to get up. A few days later my five year old had to open a jar I couldn't open. It made me wonder how bad I really was. 

It didn't help that recently I had to come off one of my medicines for two weeks while I did a round of antibiotics (thank you very much strep throat) because the two drugs don’t get along. And I remembered what it was like. Not being able to lift up my kids, having to calculate very carefully how much walking I need to do and whether or not it’s worth going up the stairs or if that would mean missing out on walking later. Whether or not I could sit in the chair long enough to write. 

I remembered how much I missed out on. 

So I did it. I jumped in and started the third medicine. I didn’t want to miss out on anything else. I wanted to live normally again. I don't want to have to rely on my five year old to pick up the slack for the things I can't do. It's not fair to him. 

All of these things reminded me that I wasn’t using the medicine as an emotional crutch, it's for my family, my quality of life. And I want to live my life. I don't want just half a life. Same with my writing. I’m not going to write halfway. If there are aids out there to help me write better, blogs, books on writing, crits, feedback, conferences, then I’m going to do them. I’m going to sit down and write and rewrite and rewrite again until my quality of writing is where I want to be. Until I’m good enough to get an agent and a publisher and have people want to read me. I’ll keep working at it, every day, just like I take my medicine every day. Not because I'm not as good as everyone else, but because everyone is different, everyone needs help, and this is where I need help. 

And that's okay.

16 comments:

  1. I hope this additional medication does what you need it to do!

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  2. A while back I quoted Jason Segel on my blog. It's a good mantra to hold to for writing and pretty much anything you want to accomplish in life: “It’s not that I’m gifted at all these things. It’s that I’m not afraid to be bad at them until I’m good at them.” Fingers crossed that your medications help you find physical peace so that you can find joy in all you want to do.

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  3. Hope you get better soon.
    Take care, Sara.

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  4. Such a good way to look at it - everyone is different, everyone's on their own path. No need to fear accepting help in whatever form it comes! {{hugs}}

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  5. Sara, I can SOOO relate. I am on arthritis meds too.. One only, thankfully. But I tried to do without it because I've been on it for almost twenty years. I am a bit unnerved about what the overall damage this medicine will do to me as I get older. BUT, as you had said, we need QUALITY of life. So many of us take our movement for granted.

    And I know how you feel. I can't do a squat either. Because of my stubborn streak years ago, but NOT taking my meds, I lost 40 percent of the cartilage in my knees, and my muscled atrophied because my lack of movement because of the excruciating pain.

    NOT NOW. It took me almost fifteen years to be able to move somewhat normally. MOVEMENT is the key. Keep moving even if it's painful. Even if it's at a slower pace... keep moving.

    Take care of YOU!

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  6. I hope the new medication helps. You're so right. Being able to live a good life is important. And research foods that can help and hurt your arthritis and see if they can help too.

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  7. I've been on arthritis meds since age 26 and my #2 daughter since the age of 18 months. There is no shame/stigma in that med.. If you honestly think about it aspirin, motrin, and alieve (naproxsen) all started out as anti-inflammatory (arthritis meds).

    If it helps you do what you need/want to do then do it. WTG girl for getting help.

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  8. I think you are wise to take whatever medication helps. You don't want to spend your days in unnecessary pain. I agree with Natalie that being able to live a good life is what matters. There's no shame in taking medication for the right reasons. I hope the third one makes the difference and that you are feeling the benefits.

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  9. I'm sorry you're in pain, Sara. I like your attitude though, and I believe it's going to make you stronger and stronger. Listen to pain relieve meditation tapes when you can. There's some really really great ones at Youtube. I'm here to say they're awesome. And one more thing I want you to remember. You will be published one day... because it is your heart's desire. Believe you will and it'll happen. And don't forget, getting published will in no way deter from someone else getting published. There's enough for everyone.

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  10. First--{{{{hugs}}}}--and second, I understand. You have to live and if that means meds do it! I do and I've upped my Fibro meds and had to adjust to the new lack of balance, but that sure beats not doing anything but hurting.

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  11. This post is like a reading a book with an unexpected ending. I didn't expect the ending. I love your position. Many people take all kinds of medications. Do what is important for your health, your family and your writing.

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  12. Cheers for you! Funny how we hate to rely on medicine. But who cares, the goal is to feel better. And way to go with the writing too. I like your determination. Working at it is more than half the battle. Too many people get frustrated and quit, because everyone thinks it's easier for everyone else. B

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  13. I can relate. I'm one of those people with a mini pharmacy stashed in their purse. I can't stand being dependent on medicine, but my illnesses (chronic migraines & fibromyalgia) make it hard for me to function without help. You're right -- everyone needs help in some way. We all have our challenges. Hope things start improving for you soon!

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  14. *hugs* There's nothing wrong with taking meds if they improve your quality of life. It's only when you take meds that you don't need is it an issue (e.g. when patients think they need something for a condition they've never been diagnosed with).

    And great attitude about the writing. No two people write the same way. I used tons of writing resources when I plan and write novels. That doesn't make me less of an author. It just means I've found some brilliant resources that have made me a better writer. :)

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  15. I've had this conversation with a lot of people. I work in mental health, so medication comes up often. People obviously would like to go without meds, but there are times when it can't be helped. You do what is right for you and those you love, and for the things you love to do. :)

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  16. I hope the medication gives you the relief you need. I have asthma and I find that using my inhaler(s) at the early signs of symptoms gives faster relief than waiting.

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