Monday, September 29, 2014

Fear



I had no idea being a parent was so filled with terror. Fear of losing them, fear of their running into the street, fear for the hurts and slights they experience at school, fear for their pain, for the expense of raising them, fear that I’m providing ample need for future therapy, fear that they’ll discover I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. 

The thing is, you just have to keep going. Those fears don’t stop life. Kids keep growing and experiencing more and if I stop to deal with the terror every time I’ll never keep up with them.  I just have to keep teaching them, keep doing my best and hope that someday it results in productive, happy, well adjusted people.

Writing is a little bit the same way. I’m always afraid I won’t be good enough, that my story is lame, that agents will think I’m a dork, that they’ll know I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, that no reader will like me enough to spend money on me. 

Like parenting I can’t let those fears overcome. I have to keep writing, keep doing my best, and hope that someday it all comes together in something people can love.

25 comments:

  1. So true, Sara. Once your kids grow up, there are new fears to worry about as they get ready to leave for college and their own life. But you have to let them go. And you're right, it's the same with our writing.

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    1. I'm learning that even at five years old there are times I have to let go and let them learn on their own.

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  2. Sara,

    BREATHE.... You are a wonderful person... you kids are so lucky to have you! Just by what you said, your sensitivity is astounding... but in the BEST WAY. With this sensitivity comes talent, emotion, FEELING. Using these elements in your writing can only prove to an agent/reader how amazing a writer you are.

    Venting is good. Vents those fears, but don't make them take over you life. LIVE with the knowledge you are doing your best and THAT IS ENOUGH!!!!

    Sending you a BIG healing hug!

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  3. In the beginning I wanted to spank you for being naughty, but your ending wrapped it up nicely. With anything, you give it your best and that's all you can do.

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  4. Great analogy to writing, though I would hazard to guess that parenting is just a wee bit more stressful :)

    Hang in there and just keep doing what you're doing!

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  5. That fear never goes away--I think it's part of what it means to be creative--so learning to overcome that fear is super important.

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    1. Or rather, learning to live with the fear is important. I don't know if I'll ever overcome it.

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  6. I think fear is just another sign that you care.

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  7. Awesome. I know exactly what you mean. Parenthood has taught me that there are things beyond your control and sometimes you just have to stand back and say, "Well we did the best we could at the time." That's just the way of it, and it's the same with writing.

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    1. It's hard to take that first step back though.

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  8. Agents would never think you are a dork, Sara. You are such a lovely person, not to mention wonderfully self-possessed. I like Lara's comment. Wise.

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    1. Heh, good to know I've hidden so much of myself. :) I am a dork. But I'm okay with that.

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  9. This is a beautifully honest post. I'm not a parent - yet - but even in preparing to be one I can absolutely identify with your fears. And as a writer? Of course. I can pretty much guess that your kids are going to be more than fine, though, just like your writing :)

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    1. There are days I know my kids will be fine and days when I think we won't make it past dinner time.

      There are days when I think I can write and days when I feel like giving it all up.

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  10. if anything, parenting makes you overcome fears rather you want to or not. helps out in other avenues :)

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    1. It does help out in other avenues. Parenting has taught me more than anything else.

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  11. That's a great analogy! What about the checking-that-they're-breathing thing...

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    1. Did that all the time with our oldest son, but as he's the only child we had as an infant it's sort of blended into the background.

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  12. Oh can I relate to this. I fear and worry for my kids all the time. I worry about little every day things and I worry about the things that have yet to come.... but I do everything to keep my fear invisible to them. It's hard. I don't want to be overbearing, but I want to keep them safe, always. But writing for me is a tad different, but only because I'm in a different place in my writing. I'm starting over and I've shed a lot of the fears that I had built up with my first manuscript. But in time, I'm sure I'll create new fears. *le sigh* :)

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  13. Nice analogy.

    Sometimes those fears we have about our children are rooted in the fact that we care so deeply for them and that we want so much for them. Take comfort in knowing you're not the only parent who feels this way. =)

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  14. Yes, breathe. You never get away from the fear. I think it's part of life. The good thing about fear is it creates adrenaline. Adrenaline makes the mind spin. Mind spinning creates stories. At least that's the way I'm choosing to look at it.

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